I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
