It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
