it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Even my vagina gasped.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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