Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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