hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
