does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
