I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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