Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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