i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
