Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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