There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
