Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
There are leaves in my underwear?
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