The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
