you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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