She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
