You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
