I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
