I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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