I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
