So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
