im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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