I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
