Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
