i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just google imaged poop.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
