Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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