And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
