omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
