god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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