Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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