if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
