and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
