A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
