No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
