She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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