He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
