i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
