so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
