My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
