So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
