But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
