let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
