I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
