She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
