playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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