Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
