Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
