she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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