Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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