It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Fuck appropriateness.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
