i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
