remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
