this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
