We're facebook friends in real life
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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