eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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