Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
